Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
