I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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