It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize