I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i was born a porn star she said
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
