Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
