upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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