Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
