Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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