i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
