Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
