I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Still dying that you shit outside
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
