Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
