Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Couch. On fire.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
