Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had sex on a roof
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize