she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
