Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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