Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
