she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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