I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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