1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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