I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
