you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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