I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
