New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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