Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
So vagazzling was a success
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
