So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
