gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize