i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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