I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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