11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
