hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
