I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
