So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
