he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
