Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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