Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
