no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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