ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
