well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
