you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
