So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
