when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
