i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
