thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
