last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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