So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
