your parents love me but you hate me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
