I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
