hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
