ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If that was your dad, he is hot
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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