He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
