idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
