I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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