So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
