Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
