He disabled his match.com account in front of me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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