Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize