I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
