Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
