Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
