smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
