omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
