My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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