I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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