I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
