And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So apparently I’m into choking now
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
