i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
