The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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