Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize