Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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