Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Someone came in the potted fern
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
