i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize