I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I queefed so loud it echoed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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