4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
