hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
